I don’t know what to think about Orlando. I go there a lot for work, and it always leaves me….bewildered.
First, we have the airport. It’s nice and well-gardened. I love that there is no shuttle necessary to get to the rental car area. And when you go inside, it even gives a nice, albeit Golden Girls-esque, central Florida vibe.
But when you get to the terminal…..oh, when you get to the terminal. It devolves into the 7th layer of hell. First of all, there are children. everywhere. And they are all on two extremes of the emotional spectrum— either horrifically ecstatic that they are about to go to on the trip of a lifetime to Disney World; or devastated, cranky, and inconsolable after days of sugar rushes and emotional highs, compounded by the fact that they now have to leave the most magical place on earth. Ew.
Now before I sound like a grinch, I realize that Orlando is the home of Disney and therefore a children’s paradise. But here’s the other thing I can’t stand about the Orlando airport— AT LEAST HAVE SOME DECENT ALCOHOL AVAILABLE FOR THOSE OF US WHO HAVE TO DEAL. I happen to always fly out of Terminal B, where the only option is Ruby Tuesday. RUBY TUESDAY. After suffering through a terminal full of sticky, whiny, running children, haven’t I been through enough? Don’t I deserve more than a sad cocktail overwhelmed by the taste of pre-packaged cocktail mix?
Onto the city itself. Honest question here— can you drive anywhere in Orlando without paying a toll? I have incurred more tolls in Florida than in my hometown. And the weather….to date, my edges have never cooperated in Orlando. My hair has never been cute in the greater Orlando city limits. My edges have been in formation in other areas of Florida that I have visited. But they are in full mutiny as soon as I step off the plane in Orlando. And I don’t even blame them— how could they cooperate in such conditions?? It literally rains every day during the summer. And not cute little dewy drops of rain. It’s monsoon level, step outside and get drenched kind of rain.
Ok and here’s the thing— I’m sure if I went to Disney World or Universal Studios again, I would love Orlando. My family went to Disney when I was a kid, and it was a trip I will remember forever. But I’m grown now and, and I’m always in Orlando for work, and I’m just not convinced of Orlando’s appeal outside of Disney. And it’s very irritating to me. It feels like everything is either geared toward tourists and super crowded, or not geared toward tourists and not that impressive. Where’s the love, the vibe— the soul?
What do you think? Have you even been to Orlando? Help me understand!
